Overcoming Anxiety

So, we finally decide that it is time to get help…

You have been pushing yourself hard.

At work things have been going well, yet your mind keeps focusing on how you are going to get in trouble or how things are going to go wrong.

You find yourself afraid on a regular basis; and as much as you try to cover all your bases, the peace that you get is very short lived before the next wave of anxiety comes on.

Furthermore, you recognize this constant inner voice telling you how much you are fucking up, how your boss doesn’t like you, how your partner is going to leave you, and how you are not trying hard enough. It’s exhausting, and you know something needs to change.

… and we go to therapy.

In therapy, you will learn some things that make you feel better.

You’ll acquire some cognitive behavioral (mental) techniques that will help you pay attention to your catastrophic thinking (e.g., getting fired)… perhaps replacing it with more positive thoughts… or looking for evidence as to why that scenario is unlikely.

You’ll also learn where your anxiety comes from.  Often our past traumas play a big role in our experience of anxiety. Learning this and the particulars of your own history can be very helpful in giving you context and even some relief.

You can also practice some somatic (body-based) techniques, like using the external environment (e.g., looking at trees) to help you calm down, taking deep breaths, connecting with aspects of your body that are calm… or even exercising through yoga.

All these are all very helpful in helping us calm down the nervous system.

But this is just the beginning part of the process.

All these techniques are preparation. They are helping us get some space from the energy of anxiety – to not be so overwhelmed by it. These techniques are helping us build capacity, so we can actually work directly with anxiety because…

To truly come to terms with our anxiety, we must face it.

We must meet the experience as it shows up, and we must do it with a sense of openness and a willingness to be with it.

Without proper preparation, it can be too difficult to deal with our anxiety directly. We can get overwhelmed by the bombardment of thoughts and the myriad ways they show up. Or we get carried away by the sweating, heart palpitations, tightness of chest, and difficulty breathing.

So we practice ways to work with thoughts, feelings, and body sensations – and believe me this is great. It helps us have space and some freedom from the anxiety.

But, at the end of the day, we need to come face to face with it and lean into it… open up to it.

This might take some time… and that’s ok.

You might first need to learn to regulate your nervous system by building a toolkit of techniques.

Again, some of these techniques are cognitive in nature, where we observe and change negative-thinking patterns (e.g., the inner critic): “You are always messing up” or “you are going to mess up again” thoughts.

We also explore our past history and traumas to understand where those thinking and emotional reactions come from.

And we work with our body, our physiology. We use body-oriented techniques to help us regulate our inner experience. That can be things like hugging ourselves to soothe emotional pain or certain body movements to help us bring energy up when we are in a lethargic state (yes, anxiety can throw us into a lethargic state).

But once you have enough inner resources… once you’ve built enough capacity… you’ll actually be able to lean in and open up to your anxiety.

This is where the magic happens!

Once you start to meet your anxiety directly and not be overwhelmed by it, you can move through it. And you’ll see how the gifts of anxiety begin showing up.

Now, at this point, you might be screaming in your mind, “WTF! GIFTS?? What is wrong with this guy… I just want to get rid of my anxiety!”

Believe me… I get it. Anxiety sucks, and we don’t like feeling it at all; but bear with me here (I am just pointing out what is possible down the line if you really do the work).

Yes, after a while, you might actually start to see anxiety as a friend – as a guide – as a source of information. It’s like your own internal “signal” telling you when you are getting out of your comfort zone, which is where growth happens. Oh, as soon as you start moving into new territory, you’re getting out of your comfort zone.

And, of course, anxiety is going to show up. Boom! Fear is going to show up. Why? Because our system is trying to keep us safe, and it interprets unfamiliar out-of-comfort territory as danger. With training, though, you can change your relationship to anxiety and respond more like this:

“Oh yeah, I’m feeling anxious right now cause I’m moving into new territory. Great. That means I’m moving in the right direction here.”

If you’re ready for this… let’s talk.

Ok, my friends, are you ready to change your relationship with anxiety from an enemy that has kept you limited and held back to an ally that shows you that you are growing?

Now is the time to develop tools and techniques to work with your nervous system and be the driver of your life instead of being yanked around by your inner experience.

Give yourself the chance, and call me to schedule your free 30-minute consultation: (415) 891-9562.